Unrealistic Expectations

Expectations…yes, we all have them. We have them for life, our friends, our family, ourselves, our spouses, our kids, our fitness goals, and a whole lot more. To start with, it is not that I think expectations are bad…BUT I do believe A LOT of unhappiness comes from expectations being unrealistic or too high. I always say, if we would all lower our expectations, we would be a lot happier. This does not mean to not shoot for the stars. This does not mean to not have hope and faith and dreams of big things to come. I LOVE these kind of expectations. Dreaming, believing and having all kinds of good, heart felt faith in the unknown are my kind of feelings. I am talking about the day-to-day expectations of ourself and others that are unrealistic, not understood by both parties, and usually end up in unnecessary disappointment and/or panties in a wad.

Our fitness goals or expectations of how we want to look in a few months…or how we want to look for vacation…or how we want to look next week since we are now working out…is a good place to start. This is a conversation I have had with many clients and friends over the years as we talk about our fitness goals. Most of the time, it is the image of what we want to look like, or what we want to fit into, that is unrealistic. I feel, and I might be in the minority on this one, our goal should not be how we want to look. Yes, we should have goals, but in order to really make a difference in our health for our lifetime, it should not be about appearance. It should not be about size or weight. In order to truly be happy with ourselves, our body and within our own skin, which I feel is most important, it should be about how we feel. I can hear the voices now…are you crazy? You are saying I should not care about my size? Yes I am. In my experience, rarely do we find happiness with ourselves, until we stop the constant drive toward the next size. Happiness with ourselves comes when we exercise to feel good. Loving ourself comes when we exercise to be stronger, to have energy, to decrease stress and because we love how it makes us feel. The rest will come. Because usually, even when we get to the size we want, or the weight we want, we still want to lose more, or we are still not happy with ourselves. Negative self talk continues. Our focus needs to change. We need to feel good with who we are and the size we are. If you exercise to feel good, the rest will come. When you feel good, you like yourself more, and you are more comfortable in your own skin. When you feel good from exercising, you keep exercising. You look forward to exercising, because you know it makes you feel so good. Exercise will then become a part of your life. Make it a part of your life, not just a means to the next smaller size.

What about the rest of the day? You expect your husband to do something that he does not do, and has no idea you were expecting it. He has no idea why your feelings are hurt. Then, you were expecting your friend to call, but she had a crazy, rough day and did not get to call at the time you were expecting. You feel slighted. Our list can go on with parents, family, our kids, coworkers and even ourself. We make a to-do list for the day that will be impossible to finish, and become aggravated with ourself by the end of the day with all our unfinished to-dos. How about the check-out lady at Target? You expect her to be chipper, but she had a terrible argument with her husband or teenage son this morning and she still had to come to work, feeling awful. Yes, we do our best to smile and be happy throughout the day, but sometimes something gets the best of us and we could all use a little extra grace. Rethink what made you frustrated today. Could you have expected something different and changed the outcome? Sometimes we are frustrated before the actual event even occurs. We know that our spouse will probably forget to do something that we asked and we are just waiting. Change this mindset. Change what you are thinking. Lower your expectations. We are all human. We make lots of mistakes. We fall short a lot. I fall short a lot. This does not mean I am not trying. This does not mean I do not mean well. This does not mean I do not care. We just all need grace. A whole lot of grace.

This, like everything for me, is a continual work in progress. I find myself always reevaluating my aggravations or what got me to that disappointed feeling in the first place. Lowering my expectations has helped so much. Along the same lines is some great advice my mom always told me, that you can not change others, you have to change yourself. Change your perception. Change your mindset. Good, hard stuff.

This all goes both ways, because I need lots of grace from others as well. If you are close to me, you know, I usually fall short of expectations. I say no a lot. I forget a lot. I am distracted, disorganized and usually a day late and a dollar short…as the saying goes. But…I mean well, I love deeply, I forgive, I do my best not to judge, I try real hard to laugh at myself and yes I am sensitive, emotional and have a heart full of empathy for others.

I too battled the struggle with exercise for years. Always feeling like I needed more. Never happy with myself. Until I quit focusing on my size and the numbers, I was never content with myself. I am not saying it was easy. It takes time. One day at at time. I had to change my focus and focus on my health and how I felt. Today I exercise for my health, to decrease my stress, feel good and to feel strong. I do not weigh myself or measure myself. Exercise is a part of my life. It is a habit. This is what makes it work.

Let us all do this thing together and lower our expectations, give grace to each other AND ourselves, and be sure to exercise to feel good. It is all well worth it.

[blockquote size=”full” align=”left” byline=”Max Lucado” rating=”0″]Lower your expectations of earth. This isn’t heaven, so don’t expect it to be.[/blockquote]

Enjoy today,

Kelley