Connection over Expectation

by | Mar 4, 2018 | Encouragement | 0 comments

When I read this on one of my homeschooling feeds the other day, it hit me like a ton of bricks. This spoke to me. It is easy to get caught up in what is expected from everyone….especially our kids, spouse, family, friends, and so on it goes. What others expect from us, and what “is” expected of us. We all have expectations.

Just to be clear, it is not that expectations are bad…it is what we do with them, and what we completely lose sight of, because our whole focus is on our expectations.

My first thought was my kids. Of course I have expectations for my kids. Actually, that is probably a huge part of my focus. Homeschooling, manners, character, respect, kindness, and the list goes on. Actually, I do believe we all should have expectations for our kids. I mean…come on.

In Order to Connect We Have to Be Deliberate

But…I also believe there is nothing more important than connecting with your child, especially as they get older. It all changes. The connection you once had, doesn’t just happen, because you are mommy. Connection takes work, patience, time and a true wanting of connection. These babies of ours need connection. We are their place. We are where they fall, and where they are lifted. Our connection for them is real, unconditional and safe.

Yes, we can have both, but I can see where my expectations take over and I lose my chance of connection.

When you find yourself so focused on what you are expecting of them….pause, and think about if you are truly connecting with them as well. I will be honest, this is hard for me. I love that I saw this post, because I needed this reminder.

Don’t Fall into the Trap

The more I thought about this over the past few days, I realized that this is what we as a society are coming to. Most of us are on a fast pace to where we are going, what we are trying to accomplish, and we can get pretty aggravated when someone gets in our way of getting there. We as parents have become pretty obsessed with the expectations for our kids, and what may be stopping them from getting there.

I find that connection is hard. To truly have time to connect to another is becoming harder, for us and especially for our kids. We now have phones, games, more games, and now you can stay home and play games with your friends that aren’t even there. You don’t even have to go outside to find friends, just turn on your console. I had a father ask me the other day if I have kids outside in my neighborhood. He said he never sees kids outside in his neighborhood, and he was shocked at how many kids were at the middle school bus stop in the morning. What do they do all the time that they aren’t outside? I have the same question.

Times have changed. Parenting has changed. Priorities have changed. Connections have changed.

Don’t fall into this trap. Don’t let others expectations get the best of you and your family.

Just start with your family. Are you connecting? Are you truly connecting?

Take the Time to Connect

We all should have expectations….but don’t let those expectations make you lose sight of connecting with your kids and your spouse. This is what matters.

Pay attention to who is around you and those that you come in contact with throughout the day. Are you bypassing connection just to get what you want? So many of us do.

The change we are all craving in our society starts with us. It starts with you and me. It starts with simple kindness, connection, and actually paying attention to those around you. Start now.

For today, I have chosen to do my best to take a pause from my expectations, and be sure that I am connecting with those right in front of me. This can be hard, like really hard, but we CAN do hard things.

Such powerful words from Bob Goff…

Loving people doesn’t mean we need to control their conduct. There’s a big difference between the two. Loving people means caring without an agenda.

– Bog Goff